Thursday, July 1, 2010

Celebrate This. Bitch.

I have a lot of friends.  This is a good thing.  When I need a drink after work or want to spend a Sunday in the park, I have a long list of people I can call.  I'm never bored or lonely.  And when I'm down or need a listening ear, there is always someone there for me.  Knowing this makes me smile.  

But lately, there's been a lot more events to attend...

Two friends are getting married soon.  Another just got engaged.  Several have birthdays around this time.  One just had a baby.  Another is celebrating her son’s first birthday.  It's fourth of July.  There are BBQ's and parties and weekend getaways galore.  

It seems like all I do these days is celebrate...  appetizers to make, gifts to buy, glasses to be raised.  And every time I toast to someone else's new found love or the emergence of another human being from their uterus, I'm forced to slurp up another glass of calories or shove another fried cheese ball down my pie-hole.  Apologies for the vulgarity here, but I'm ready to take those personally monogrammed towels and strangle myself with them.  I’ve had it.  I’m done.

I’M TRYING TO LOSE WEIGHT HERE PEOPLE, and your need to celebrate your life transition is really hindering my progress.  I’m glad you have found the love of your life.  I’m thrilled your baby has 10 fingers.  I couldn’t be happier that you’ve reached the 34th year of your life without having a nervous breakdown.  But I don’t want to get fat again to prove it! 

Why does celebration always entail ingesting the most indulgent food and drink???  Can’t we acknowledge all this excitement with a brisk walk and some carrot sticks?  How about 100 sit ups and a Zone bar?  Maybe a pilates class followed by a protein shake?  No?  Doesn’t sound fun?  What do you mean? 

Ok, alright, fine.  We can skip the chin ups before we hit the champagne.  But you better believe that I’m bringing my own snacks to the party and cutting that wine with some seltzer next time.  Your celebration will not equate to my physical inflation.  Your fabulous event will not be my spiraling descent.  I can do this dammit! 

With a little luck and a lot of tracking, the next time I pop a bottle of bubbly, it’s going to be in celebration of my own success.  No, I'm not talking about finding my soul mate... simply reaching my goal weight.  Think I can register for that? 


  1. SHOULD be a celebration, right??!
    will power doesn't come easy to most of us.
    i'm not doing WW w/ y'all, but i did quit smoking 2 months ago (YAY for me), but i feel ya, it's hard to say "no" when tempted w/ what you decided you don't want for your life anymore.
    i'm doing it, because it is bad for me & i don't want to be a 'smoker' anymore...bottom line...that's MY choice.
    your choice is to eat healthier & i'm SO proud of you for doing it!!! i know how hard it is not to give in (TRUST ME after a few glasses of vino when everyone is lighting up it is hard), but this is YOUR choice.
    keep your GOAL in sight & know that you're not alone.
    we can't expect everyone to change or have the same less cigarettes may mean more triple cream cheese for me & less fried mozzarella may mean more cigarettes for you...we can still hang out & celebrate life, right??!?!?!
    p.s. my lungs feel BETTER & you look AMAZING ;)

  2. Oh Miranda, I hear ya!! Great post.
    I've just come off of a seven month slide celebrating other people's love lives, new jobs, babies, years alive, new homes and any other excuse for a fiesta.
    I remember going to a meeting just before Thanksgiving when our leader talked about the month from Thanksgiving to Christmas being the hardest. Looking ahead at my calendar, I knew Thanksgiving and Christmas would only be the beginning.
    Like you, I'm fortunate to have many friends who are always up for doing something fun - fun being defined as eating and drinking anything and everything put on the table.
    It's hard to stay strong since my fellow wino friends not only notice, but get annoyed and comment if I'm not keeping up glass for glass (or rather, bottle for bottle).
    I brought club soda and crudite to a friend's place recently and was deemed "psycho." I started the day with lots of will power, but after that comment, in no time, I was drinking wine like it was water and eating freaking pecan pie.
    If only there had been an after-school special dedicated to this kind of peer pressure! Maybe I'd know how to handle these situations...?
    I've watched the scale tick up and up over these past seven months and I too am DONE.
    I'm just going to keep reading this amazing blog you girls have created, keep going to meetings and keep on bringing the crudite and club soda with me to the upcoming celebrations.

  3. My tips for surviving the life's numerous celebrations: 1) eat a large banana on the way to the event; 2) wash it down with a can of diet soda; 3) chew gum at said event. Or if you have 2 points to spare, bring along a See's Candy sucker. P.S. I'm a lifetime WW fanatic.