Friday, April 9, 2010

If Laughter is the Best Medicine...

Then love is decidedly the best diet pill.

Wouldn't you all agree that every time you meet a new potential love interest, the pounds somehow start falling off without even the slightest bit of attention or effort?

Maybe it's all the excitement and nervous energy coursing through your veins: the anticipation of the next date, the small thrill at that flirty text message, the racing heartbeat as you plant that first kiss.  Love is like a natural amphetamine and the energy it incites makes us flutter like a hummingbird on speed. 

Or maybe it's more transparent than that.  Perhaps the idea that someone might actually see our naked bodies in the very near future is enough to drive us to starvation.  When we get in the shower and come face to face with those pudgy bits we usually hide under our favorite sweatshirt, we realize that the sweatshirt will have to come off.  Someone, sometime soon, will see this naked body and either want to make passionate love to it or enact a look of absolute terror, run screaming from the room and never attempt to call us again.  The sheer fear of the latter incidence is enough to bring on a diet of cabbage soup or a lemon-ginger cleanse.

No doubt some of our beloved readers and bloggers have ultimately found the loves of their lives and are living the happily ever after saga.  But for the rest of us, this period of buzzing excitement and fluttering flirtation often leads to a period of disappointment and heartbreak.  Someone cheats on someone else.  One person gets bored.  The other realizes they are not dating "marriage material."  Or something to that effect.

When we get to this point, there are two avenues for how we can deal with the heart wrenching emotions of breaking up.  One camp drowns their sorrows in Ben & Jerry Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Ice cream, whereas another camp revolts at the thought of food and wallows in their bottomless emptiness.  I happen to fall into the second camp.  Therefore heartbreak is just as much of a weight loss experiment as it is an emotional roller-coaster.  The only consolation for this empty, uneasy feeling is that I know it will result in my jeans fitting a little looser by the time I'm ready to hit the bars again in search of the next flirty feeling.  And if I happen to run into that evil ex, then I'll look just a little hotter than the last time he saw me.

So the only logical takeaway from this whole synopsis is that love, and ultimately heartbreak, really are a great means to weight loss.  If I can fall in and out of love on a regular basis, no doubt I'll hit my ultimate goal weight in no time!  The only snag in this little plan is that I might end up with a few emotional scars and the inability to ever have a lasting relationship.  Hmm... perhaps I should just stick with Weight Watchers.


  1. Love the image at the top! Seriously, who takes a professional photo of a tape measure and diet pills?

  2. I want to join your group. I have a favorite picture from 1996 ... right after my boyfriend of almost 5 years dumped me out of nowhere. I'm looking up from a 12" sub at my house at the Jersey shore, trying hard to smile. This was the type of sub I would inhale on a Friday night. That day I took two bites. I don't know how much weight I lost that summer, but I looked amazing! He still sucks.

  3. Trust me, darlin', WW is a far surer bet, although I suppose there is much to be said for hummingbirds on speed....ah, "love."